i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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