What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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