chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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