My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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