Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
