walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
my god I love twenty year old dicks
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
