Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
