So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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