I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
