i barfeds in our rink
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
