How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
