At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
