I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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