I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
