Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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