just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
