He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
