did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
