OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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