Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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