He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
