Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
