I like my sex mixed with concussions.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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