I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
