There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
