Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The power of my boobs compel you
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
