dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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