Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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