life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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