She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
