o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
