That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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