mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
