Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
