saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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