Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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