I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
