I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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