Umm I'm too high to move.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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