I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
