he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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