But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
