apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He told me they were just razor bumps!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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