I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
