Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
this just has baby written all over it
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
