it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Two words: blizzard sex
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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