your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
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So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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