I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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