my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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