from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
