I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
