Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
