is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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