I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
