No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
