OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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