There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
