Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
