Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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