Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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