I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
