Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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