well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
