Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
