Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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