Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
